I was just reading over my last blog. Was it just last week that I was feeling that way? Hopefully I didn't come across as "having it all together." Because if I did, it was a bunch of malarkey. I know none of us will be "arriving" (spiritually speaking) until Jesus returns for us, and there is nothing quite as off putting as being around someone who thinks they've "arrived."

We've been experiencing a particularly difficult time with Brett. Up until these past few months, he's been very happy and we have been very thankful. Lately though, he's been miserable--almost constant, frustrated screaming, inconsolable and unable to sleep for any long stretches of time. His seizures have increased in number and severity. And frankly, I couldn't being feeling any less like "God's workmanship" "prepared in advance" to be Brett's mother. On the contrary I'm feeling very ill-equipped for the job. I'm having trouble even imagining the purpose, joy and fulfillment I mentioned.

When I have these inevitable dark days, I know I need to talk Truth to myself more than ever, meditating on and trusting God's Word. I take enormous comfort from the fact that David had dark days. His psalms are full of his expressions of despair. But I see his resolve at the end of his cries to God for help, and that is what I know I must be: resolved. Resolved to trust in His goodness and faithfulness. In Psalm 13, David asks "...How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart...?"

He ends with, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me." In Psalm 31: "Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief... " Again he ends with hope, "The Lord preserves the faithful...be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." In Psalm 54 he writes: "I said, 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.' But, I call to God and the Lord saves me...he hears my voice. ..cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you."

In Psalm 62, David reminds me where true rest and peace are found: "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

As I was reading through the Psalms, I came upon the following verse and was encouraged with the reminder that He has not left us alone in this world, there are countless brothers and sisters in Christ that haved prayed for me and have greatly encouraged me. Only He knows how the prayers of His people have sustained me. "...the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me." (Ps. 142:7)

Resolving to remember, trust and meditate on His promises.