As a Christian, I don't believe in chance. Not chance meetings, chance friendships, chance tragedies. I don't believe anything happens just "by chance." If it's not divinely orchestrated by God it is at the very least allowed by Him.

Midway through December I felt myself falling into my usual Christmas funk. I'm not sure what brings it on, but I think it's seeing all the children, their very palpable excitement--about Santa coming, the Christmas presents, the days off from school.  I miss the bribing for good behavior, "You don't want a lump of coal in your stocking, do you?"

I see and watch all this, and I can't help but miss that magical time when the kids were little, and I can't help but contrast it to Brett's total obliviousness. I think of how incredibly fun it would be to experience all that Christmas wonder again with Brett, not just as parents but with his two grown siblings as well. And I think if only Brett was a perfect, healthy little boy, the Season would once again be joyous for me.

I flew with Tammy about that time and, as God would have it, I shared a jumpseat with a flight attendant I'd never met before. We clicked. I shared more with her than I've felt comfortable sharing with friends I've known for years.

At the end of our three days together, with her eyes full of tears, she exclaimed how good God was! She said that He had known that I was exactly what she needed. She had been down too, and my vulnerability and willingness to share my stories had lifted her out of her funk. And miraculously, I realized she had done the same for me! God gave us those precious moments on the jumpseat to share our personal stories of pain, grace, mercy and forgiveness and we both were lifted up. It wasn't a "chance" encounter. Just as she acknowledged, God orchestrated that time together.

God is good. Always. Even when He allowed a gene to mutate in my unborn child, causing severe disabilities. Not that I don't ever question the reason for Brett's existence. Not that I can always see the goodness his life brings to this world. Not that I don't long for some responsiveness from him. But I choose to believe that God is good, "that in all things He works for the GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)