My Top Ten Suggestions to Passengers:

1.)  Do. Not. Touch. My. Fanny.  I know it's tempting, that it's right there at eye level and that you're almost in full panic mode because you think I've skipped your row, but get a grip on yourself and Just. Don't. Do. It.

2.) Take your headphones our of your ears when you see me looking at you and talking.  It's the epitome of rudeness not to. You're not any better at lip reading than I am and your attempt to do so aggravates me to no end.

3.) When I give you a choice of snack items, do not answer "Yes". In fact, if you really want to endear yourself, before I even open my mouth, be ready with a clearly spoken, "Water and peanuts, please."

4.) When it gets really turbulent and the fasten seat belt sign goes on, do not ring your call button, summoning me to stagger up the aisle to pick up your garbage or ask me if I think you might make your connection.

5.) Say "please" and "thank you" and teach your children to do the same. If your child is particularly clueless about what they would like (or the proverbial cat has gotten their tongue), quickly decide for them. If they do know what they want but all their choices are being nixed by you, let them know ahead of time that they actually don't have a choice.

6.) When you see me pushing my half ton cart up the aisle, do your best to pull your body parts out of harm's way. I am now hawking more goodies than Tiger Stadium ever thought of selling and I cannot even see over my cart. Recently (unbeknownst to me), my cart nudged a passenger's foot. Since I didn't even realize I'd hit it, I didn't apologize and she sarcastically told me "not to worry", that her "foot still worked." What??? When I shared her bit of sarcasm with another flight attendant, she said I should have replied that it was too bad her brain didn't work, because then she would have known better than to have her leg out in the aisle in the first place.

7.) If you do not get your choice of food, do NOT act like your world is caving in.

8.) When you see me coming through the cabin picking up trash and my bag is full, do NOT panic, thinking I've arbitrarily singled you and your row out to hold onto your garbage for the rest of the flight. Just sit tight, I'll be coming back shortly with a new bag.

9.) If your suitcase is too heavy to lift, check it. I am always amazed at the numerous amount of "back surgeries" performed just prior to flying.

10.) If you're embarking on a long flight, please bring something to entertain yourself and your children. We do have a few flight attendants that perform magic tricks, but this is not the norm and thus your chances of being to treated to a magic show are very slim.