There is a song by Snow Patrol called Chasing Cars that always reminds me of Bob, of his willingness to just be there for me. The sad and glad days, the silly and mad days, whatever it is I'm going through he's willing to (try at least) experience it with me. The words of the song ask: "If I lie here, if I just lie here would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
I have days where sadness overwhelms me. Days when I just want to retreat into my closet, curl up into a ball on the floor and cry my eyes out. If Bob happens to be home on those days, I try and "will" him upstairs to me. I want him to lie down beside me, to hold and comfort me as only he can.
Often he'll ask me what it is that's making me so sad. I usually answer, "I'm not sure, I thinks it's just everything...Brett. All the things I wish I would have done differently. The fact that my mom doesn't have anyone to lie down with her...just... everything." And the crying continues.
I know what I should be doing-- counting my blessings, forgetting the past and pressing on towards the goal and all that-- but sometimes I just need a good, cleansing cry. It's on those days that I am most thankful that I have someone that will "lie with me, just lie there...and just forget the world."
Sweet Babe, thank you for putting up with me...the sad me, the mad me, the silly me, the real me and (the hardest one!)...the scared me. I cannot imagine doing life without you.
Happy Birthday.
1 comment:
Laurie, you need not be so hard on yourself. In my opinion Bob married a wonderful young woman. You know how I know that? You love him so much and he can comfort you. That's a gift from our Lord. How many couples can comfort their spouse and make them feel more secure? Not many, you see what is happening in our society. You and Bob continue to make time for each other and go to each other for solace, to share and to grieve. I am a believer (most of the time) that God does not want us to stumble; you have Brett because you can provide the emotional and physical care that he needs. God knows you and your strengths; He made you. God also provides a way for you to wash away your difficult moments and there is no disgrace in hiding in the closet and crying. This is a healthy management avenue to keep you fit for your unyielding and difficult role as mother. My prayers are always with you. I think of you so often. In fact, I just saw my daughter that is married to the Marine and I retold her my story and your infuence on my life and again about Brett. Laurie, you are a good woman, wife, mother and citizen.
I pray that you have a joyful holiday season. I hope you will be seeing your adult children. Love, Dottie
Post a Comment