I don’t know how old I was when I became self-conscious. I know it wasn’t a good thing; I was too young to care so much about what other people thought of me. I used to love being silly and making people laugh. But somewhere along the way, I realized some were laughing at me, not with me. The slightest criticisms began to crush my spirit. Soon enough I was too timid to make a peep. Too worried I might sound stupid or look stupid. What a curse. I’m insanely jealous of those who don’t give a flip what other people think of them. My dad was one of those lucky people. He often told me, “You would care a lot less about what people think about you if you only knew how little they think of you at all.” Wise words.

Thankfully, my granddaughters (5 and 3) are still blissfully oblivious to a watching world.

The first thing Maisie and Annabelle want me to do is dance with them to “Dancing Queen.” They tear upstairs to grab some “grip free” socks so they can spin freely on the wood floor. 

We play the song loudly, I grab their little hands, spin them one direction and then the other, slide them through my legs, they squeal with laughter and I laugh right along with them. If anyone happens upon us (even Bob), I stiffen up. Please don’t watch us. I know I look stupid.

When it’s time to get ready to go out to lunch, I help three-year old Annabelle get dressed. She has many princess dresses….what I would call “dress up” clothes or halloween costumes. For Annabelle, they’re just one of her many everyday outfits. I try and dissuade her. “Why don’t we save your princess dress for later?”

“But Nana, I'm a princess!” Of course you are, sweetheart. Silly Nana.

She admires herself in the mirror, “I look beautiful.” Please, Lord, please don’t ever let her stop believing she’s a beautiful princess. 

I ask Caitlin if she’s okay with Annabelle’s outfit. Sure! Why not?

Why not, indeed? I think back on all the clothing battles I fought with Caitlin when she was three. Were they ever worth it? I remember running late for work and instead of the outfit I’d laid out for her, she came downstairs wearing a one-pice bathing suit paired with a plaid flannel skirt, and dress up sandals. I can still picture every detail, Caitlin so pleased with herself for assembling such a cute outfit. Okay, I guess some battles did have to be fought.

Annabelle flounces through the restaurant in her princess dress, smiling big at all the compliments she receives from every table she passes. 

On the drive home, Maisie asks if we can play, “Dancing Queen.” Of course we can. She sings along. I wasn’t aware she knew the lyrics. I know only a few. She belts out the line, “See that girl? Watch that scene! Dig it, the dancing queen.” 

Those sweet, innocent memories will be etched in my mind forever.

Please, Lord. Please let that lack of self-awareness stay with them as long as possible. Let them sing and dance unaffected by a watching world that can be cruel. Don’t let what other people think of them ever stifle their infectious joy or squash their creativity. Let them live only ever caring what You think…knowing they are Yours and You love them with an everlasting love.