I used to think a gorilla could do my job. Not anymore. I think it would shock most people to know just how much we need to know. Not just know, but prove our mental and physical prowess each and every year. It's either that or lose our jobs.  Plus I doubt gorillas love people and love to travel, ha-ha.

Oddly enough, the more I fly the more I think passengers believe we're nothing short of little Einstein's.

They believe our geography knowledge is second to none. They think we're capable of discerning which state lines we are crossing. We can name every mountain range we're flying over, every body of water and each little city.

They believe we are capable of predicting the future. We can tell them if the weather is going to affect our arrival or departure time. I always thought it would be fun to carry around a magic eight ball and when asked if they're going to make their connection, I could consult it and show them the answer, "Not likely."  Can you tell us if the row behind us will stay empty, so we can spread out a bit? I could give the eight ball another shake, "Fat Chance."

This is only a tiny sampling of how deep and vast they believe our knowledge is. It's almost like some of them get dumbed down the minute they step on board. Many have trouble deciding if they should head into the cockpit or down the aisle. They have difficulty matching their seat number with the row they're in. They can't decipher diagrams that tell them whether they're at the window or the aisle. They can't distinguish the ashtray (that's in the center of the door) from the door handle to get into the lavatory. On doors you need to push to get into, there's a big sign on the door that says, "PUSH." They find this so baffling I need to do a charade-like illustration of "pushing" to help them out. They can't remember the definitions of "occupied" and "vacant."

Remember those toys we played with when we were little--the ones that had different shapes that fit into different holes? Only the square shaped piece fit into the square shaped hole? When they get on an airplane that simple concept escapes them. At least we didn't break the toy when the square piece didn't fit into the rectangular hole. Not them, they will break the bin before they'll recognize that their square luggage will not fit into the rectangular sized bin. On the buttons above their seat they have trouble differentiating the reading light button from the flight attendant call button--even though the light button has a picture of light bulb on it.
 

Our knowledge of the airplane itself surpasses those of the best mechanics. We can pinpoint every odd noise it makes, the speed at which we are flying, the maximum range of each aircraft, the type of engine it has and how many engines it has (um, isn't that one kind of obvious?). What's really funny is that I actually throw out answers like, "it's  just the hydraulics." The sad truth is I don't even know what hydraulics are. I keep meaning to find out. But I heard a pilot give that answer for a noise I hear a lot and so I know that's what it is.  What I can truthfully answer (and often do) is, "it's normal." If it isn't "normal" you can bet your bottom dollar I'd let someone know it wasn't normal. 

I remember when my son, Dane, was only four years old and had to sit by himself on a flight. I drilled him on how to act, "Have your order ready, don't you dare ask what we have, tell them as quickly and clearly as possible what you want, say 'please' and 'thank you' and then just sit there and look at your books."

The whole time I'm giving him his "coaching" he's staring up at the flight attendant call button and at the end of my explicit instructions to ONLY push it if there's an emergency, he adds "...or if I want another drink."

"NO! Haven't you been listening?? I said NEVER push it unless there's an emergency."

"Well--then why is the button a picture of a lady carrying a drink?" he asks, logically enough. Why, indeed? Because flight attendants didn't design them, that's why.

"Just don't do it, okay?" And he didn't. 

He was a perfect little passenger and did the most perfect thing of all--he slept the entire flight.

I just got back from three long, brutal days of training in Atlanta. As part of merging with Delta, we are acquiring several new types of aircraft and all flight attendants must be qualified on each and every one of them. Thus I've endured three days of cramming in hundreds of new facts, new commands, and new ways of dealing with emergencies and then being tested on all of it. Failing isn't an option.

I've concluded that there are no two words in the English language that can knock the sense out of me quite like "Easy Victor." In an emergency situation, when the words "Easy Victor" are heard from the cockpit it technically means the airplane has come to a complete stop. For us, it means Act 1, Scene 1, and we are the sole performers.

It is imperative that we say our lines verbatim and that our actions follow the script exactly. Just when I think I've got my "role" down, I hear those words "Easy Victor" and suddenly I can't even remember the first word of the first line, much less what my hands and body are supposed to be doing.

If a "take 2" is required we are not allowed to be told what we did wrong in "take 1." We think about it and start from "Easy Victor" again. If a "take 3" is required we take a break and go think long and hard about how we're going to perfect our "role" because there will be no "take 4."After three days of numerous "performances" I've decided that I absolutely detest the words "Easy Victor."

Lest you think I didn't learn anything useful I will conclude with something I learned that was helpful (we even watched an ever-so-helpful video on it): Do not send any incapacitated crew members down the escape hatch head first.

After reading my dad's thoughts on entitlements, I was thinking about how destructive the whole "entitlement" mentality is. Not just for our country, but spiritually as well. A large portion of our population feels that we are entitled to free health care (no matter that it would be the furthest thing from "free"). Feeling we're "owed" something takes the pride out of accomplishing it on our own. Just like my dad said, mandated "giving" robs us from the God given pleasure of giving on our own.

In our spiritual life this same feeling of being "owed" certain things robs us of joy-giving gratitude. I've worked hard, I'm entitled to a good time. They really hurt me, I'm entitled to hurt them back. I've been disappointed with some of the things that have happened in my life, I'm entitled to feel sorry for myself and resentful of those who haven't suffered similar misfortunes. They didn't treat me with respect, I'm entitled to be rude to them. They made some rude gesture at me while I was driving, I'm entitled to be angry and wish bad things on them. They're driving 40 in a 55, and I'm running late for work, so I'm entitled to ride their tail and flash my lights (I learned that trick from somebody...could it be...Bob?).

God's life instructions are in complete opposition to the "entitlement" mentality. He asks us to bless those who curse us. To pray for those who are evil. To work diligently, "doing it all in the name of the Lord Jesus." To give thanks in all situations. To consider others better than ourselves. To be peacemakers and live peaceably with all men. All the very opposite of what feels natural to us.

The only thing we are really "entitled" to is a life in Hell separated from God for eternity. Yet when we do things God's way He is faithful to give us inexplicable peace and joy. It's just so darn hard...some days MUCH harder than others. I know God is faithful, that He did begin a good work in me and that He is continuing to mold me more and more into the image of His Son. So eventually I know I'm gonna be nicer...in fact, I think I must be nicer than I was last year and I should be even nicer next year. Isn't that what growing in grace and knowledge is all about? (2 Peter 3:17). I know Bob, for one, will be especially be encouraged by this possibility.

"Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near! Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)

My dad always disliked the word "entitlement". I recently came upon a letter he wrote to an editor in 1995 (!) and thought I'd share some excerpts with you:

"The concept of 'entitlement' is at the very least presumptuous. I don't accept the idea! Why should any hard-working member of the productive element of our great nation be 'herded into' the notion that we owe the non-productive element anything?....Believe it or not, I am actually benevolent. But, I DECIDE to whom I will be benevolent....I do not need government to facilitate my giving (at my cost). There is 'pleasure' in giving. This pleasure is obliterated when giving is mandated."

A few paragraphs later he continues with, "You may find this a bit hard to believe, but I consider paying federal income taxes a great privilege. It is an opportunity beyond comprehension for people in third world societies. We, the productive element of our great society, can buy-into the ownership of the United States of America in proportion to our income! Yet, my vote counts exactly the same as Bill Gates or Steve Forbes. Think about it. The operative word is "income". There is no need to tax citizens that have no income (and by that I mean disposable income). Just look at last year's form 1040. You tell me, are there no opportunities for improvement? (1) If you had the misfortune of paying $5000.00 for medical treatment, why shouldn't 100% of it be a deduction from income? (2) People are our most valuable national resource. If you can prove that you paid out $5000.00 for the education of your dependant children, why shouldn't 100% of the expenditure be a deduction from income? (3) If your labor paid you $30,000 for an entire year's hard work, why should you be required to pay any income tax? (4) If you decided to sell your home that served you well for 20 years, but nearing retirement, you and your wife decided you don't need, why should you pay any income tax on your 'capital gain'? I could go on. ....Certainly there is room for improvement in our federal income tax code. But, what is vastly more important is where the money goes! As of today, our hard earned dollars are going to things that most of us don't believe in and would not support, if asked."

My dad was particularly concerned about our national debt. He quotes the great economist Milton Friedman: "The problem to address is spending." He goes on to say that what needs to be balanced is our national check book! ....Most of us hardworking suckers must live within our means. If we want something a little beyond necessity we plan ("budget") our income. Pretty simple. ....But, your federal government elitists are not constrained by this simple philosophy. The have infinite resources: tax on the hard-working suckers.

....But in fact, your elected representatives are your employees. Unfortunately, you and I have abdicated our responsibilities as an employer. We have "excuses": We've been too busy trying to make ends meet. We've been focusing on raising good citizens. We work.

....In case you haven't thought about it, you and I are going to die! Our time is not infinite. Before I die, I am going to do all that I can to leave this United States in the shape it was given to me: With no entitlements."

Sadly my dad went to be with the Lord in 1999. Can you imagine how horrified he'd be with his beloved country's debt now??? My dad was constantly stressing to us kids how important it was to contribute (he DID like that word). He wanted us to be involved, to know who our representatives are and to hold them accountable to follow the will of their constituents, always stressing that they work for us. We are their employer. I don't think there's ever been a time in our country's history that we need to understand and act upon this more. I've always been in awe of my dad's prescient wisdom. A day doesn't go by that I don't miss getting his "take" on things. I know if he were still with us his heart would be broken by all that has happened and continues to happen. I was overcome with nostalgia after reading his letter and was moved to share his thoughts with you. I hope you can appreciate how opportune they are today....more than 14 years after he wrote them!

I've decided I have a real problem with people telling me what to do. One of the commands that rankles me the most is being told to "smile!" I'm usually quite pleasant and welcoming when passengers are boarding, but occasionally my mind must wander and my smile (evidently) fades. Sadly, I always obey the command (on cue, like a trained dog) and immediately plaster a big, phony smile on my face that usually stays there for the duration of the boarding process.

The one who gave the command is oblivious to the fact that he is now jockeying for first place for my "jerk of the day" award. I amuse myself with my mental tallying of asinine comments and behavior. Some days I encounter quite a few contenders for the title.

It's interesting that there are times when I fully intend to do something but then when I'm told to do it, I'm suddenly determined not to do it. The pile of clothes in my closet may be getting higher and higher, but just when I decide to start hanging some of them up, Bob will tell me I need to start hanging them up, which only necessitates the pile getting twice as high before I'll attempt to dismantle it. What's up with that??

Isn't the first step to getting beyond an issue realizing that you have an issue to begin with? So I'm sure I'll eventually rise above this contrariness, but until then, please don't tell me to smile.

I love that commercial where two little girls are offered ponies. The first girl is handed a little toy trinket of a pony, which she perfectly happy with. They ask the little girl next to her if she'd like one too, but instead of a little toy they lead in a real pony.

It's comical to watch (from her face and body language alone) how stupid and worthless the first little girl now views her "pony."

This commercial so aptly illustrates how happy we can be until we see someone else who has something better.

Like the story Jesus tells about the workers. The workers are pleased as punch to have jobs, happy with the work rules and pay until new workers are brought in and given the same pay for half the work...and bam, just like that, that's the end of their job satisfaction (Matthew 20).

It's amazing how quickly a little comparing can jolt the joy right out of you. You've always been perfectly happy with your bathtub, until you visit a home with a large sunken bathtub and suddenly you realize you've been bathing in a bucket. You think you've got a decent amount of hair, until you start comparing the size of your ponytail to others and realize you're actually practically bald.

I'm being facetious, but you see where I'm going with this...comparing what God has given us to what He's given to someone else is never good. Even when we perceive our life as being the superior one, it's destructive because insidious pride seeps in. We start believing we somehow deserve a "better" life than someone else.

Jesus said He came to give us life...life to the full (John 10:10). I love that verse. We're here to make a difference, to live a life that matters and the most gratifying feeling in the world is knowing we're right where God wants us to be.

Sometimes I watch normal little boys and I literally ache for Brett to be like them. When I have thoughts like this, I remind myself of what Tammy once told me, that Brett is God's pleasing and perfect will for our family right now.

Someday we'll see all the good Brett's life has brought into this world, good that only came about because he is the way God made him. Until then, I'll continue to remind myself not to compare my life with others, because God in His infinite wisdom is molding and refining me to accomplish what no other person is as uniquely qualified as I am to do.

I like how The Message translates Ephesians 2:10, "He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join Him in the work He does, the good work He has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing."

May we all find joy and purpose in the life God has given us, regardless of what circumstances we may find ourselves in.

"Little Miss Sunshine" is one of my favorite movies. It's one of the few movies that made me laugh out loud and cry my eyes out. Unfortunately, it's full of foul language and unsavory characters. But, if you can get beyond that, you'll see a story that hilariously illustrates that sometimes the only way to get beyond our own sad circumstances is to put everything we have into helping someone else.

The movie opens with a little girl (Olive) watching a Miss America contest. She stands there enraptured, oblivious to the sad contrast of the contestants' perfect bodies and her own plump body with her unmistakably rounded belly. It  is Olive's dream to be a contestant in a beauty contest.

Each of the characters in this film has a dream and as the movie unfolds we see all of their dreams shattered. I know it sounds like the furthest thing from hilarity, but you just have to trust me on this one.

When Olive gets a phone call letting her know she's been selected (by default) to be a contestant in the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant, she literally runs through the house screaming at the top of her lungs.

The logistics of actually getting Olive are not in her favor, but remarkably enough, the family rises to the challenge and they pull out all the stops to get her there. The disasters they encounter along the way keep us laughing and wondering if our sweet Olive will ever make it.

The family arrives with seconds to spare. They are visibly horrified when they see the freakish, mannequin-like little contestants prancing around in all their exquisite finery. (Jon-Bonet Ramsey comes to mind).

Their elaborate hair and make-up make Olive look pitifully out of place, completely out of her league. The family's own problems are forgotten as each one tries in vain to keep Olive from the humiliation of performing along side these ultra-talented little caricatures of beauty pageant contestants.

However, Olive perseveres and the family is forced to sit agonizingly through one amazingly perfect performance after another. Finally, it is Olive's turn to perform and she shyly dedicates her performance to her grandfather.

Apparently Olive's chaotic home life had left her largely to her own devices. As it turns out, only her heroine addicted grandfather had been available to teach her a dance routine. As the chords to Rick James' "Superfreak" begin, it becomes obvious that her "dance" is nothing short of a sexy strip tease act. They sit in stunned silence as she provocatively tears off her pants and saucily tosses her top hat at the appalled announcer. She's blissfully oblivious to the scorn, shock and outrage breaking out around her. One by one, like mother hens protecting their chick, each family member joins her on the stage, dancing with her and shielding her from the onslaught of the increasingly hostile crowd.

I see parallels in Olive's family and our Christian family. We all have shattered dreams of some sort. We all have our funny quirks and various "issues," yet we desperately need each other. It's only through helping each other along the journey that we find our own joy and purpose.